When Joy and Sorrow Share a Seat at the Table

The holidays have a way of stirring up memories. Some sweet, some painful and some so intertwined that they make us laugh and tear up in the same breath.

This week a very dear long time friend texted me: "I am hosting Thanksgiving this year. I hope I can hold back the tears."

Her husband passed away over a year ago.

Her words made me stop and wonder. Can we be genuinely happy and deeply sad in the same moment?

I believe the answer is yes. And I believe that not only is it possible but it is actually healing.

Grief doesn’t really leave, it kind of softens. Grief is not a one and done chapter. It doesn’t wrap itself up neatly and fly away when the calendar flips.

Grief is love that has nowhere to go. It is the echo of a life shared. And during the holidays, that echo is loud.

But I think it is possible to laugh from your belly and still feel that tug in your heart. Yup you can cook the meal, pour the hot cider, set the table, put on your party shoes and be excited for the doorbell to ring and still miss the person who is not there. YES, YOU can feel joy without betraying your sorrow.

The heart can hold both Sorrow and JOY.

Tears do not cancel out joy. My friend worried that tears might ruin the day. NOPE, on the flip, tears do not take away anything. Tears add meaning in the most authentic and JOYFUL way.

Tears say:

• "I loved someone deeply."
• "I am still finding my way."
• "I am doing the brave thing, even though it hurts."

So why not let joy and sorrow sit together? Let tears come. They are just love in liquid form. But let smiles come too. They are proof you are still living forward.

So go ahead with love in your heart, share memories, say their name, tell funny stories, that all keeps them close. Let others help you, you do not have to be the strong one every moment. And most of all, make space for the messy mix. The human heart can multi-task.

I think aging brings wisdom, courage, resilience and yes even loss. But it also brings a deeper understanding of the human heart. If this holiday season brings you both JOY and SORROW, let it. It just means you have lived, loved and continue to grow in your own special time and way.

AND IF TEARS FALL...LET THEM SPARKLE.

Hugs,

***Suz***